


i'm scared my wish is coming true

by lostin_space



Series: Us Against The World [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arguing, Jesse Manes is a War Crime, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26426041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “There’s something I haven’t told you,” he said. Michael stared at him, waiting for whatever he had to say. “When we were 13, my dad put a chip in both of us.”
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Us Against The World [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944559
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	i'm scared my wish is coming true

**Author's Note:**

> if i missed any tags let me know
> 
> prompt: "Holding everything in doesn't help, you know."
> 
> title: more or less by frank hamilton

It was far too easy to think that once they got together, their relationship would be perfect.

Michael had spent years dancing around Alex, watching him be a total badass and falling in love with him, and never being able to do anything about it. They grew up in the same government facility that Alex’s father ran and resided in to pair up humans and aliens as unstoppable assassination duos. He and Alex were trained alongside each other, both learning how the other moved and how to use each other’s strengths against their enemies. 

It took them into adulthood before they realized they wanted something more than just to be each other’s companion on missions. They couldn’t do anything, though, until after Alex’s father died in some “tragic” accident involving a large bookshelf that fell mysteriously while he was going to see his youngest son in the facility’s library. So sad.

They'd been slowly dating and talking and getting on a good path for a while now. Communication was key when things were this weird and complicated and they were focusing on that, putting physical intimacy to the back burner until they were ready. It came with the struggle of trying to date someone who had _technically_ been raised to be your battle companion and nothing more. After some talking in secret, they decided this weekend they would finally take it to that long-awaited level.

Michael wanted it to be special. They’d spent so many years being unsure and scared and hurt that this had to be special. They got a hotel room outside of the facility, got a bottle of champagne, and made sure all of their work was caught up so no one would have any reason to question why they were gone.

And it was going good all the way until Alex stopped him and walked out onto the balcony.

"Holding everything in doesn't help, you know?" Michael said as he walked outside, staring at Alex’s bare back that he’d seen so many times and yet had only got to touch it today. He stepped up beside him. Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Or maybe it does, fuck if I know. Just some advice a guy told me one time. You might know him. Dark hair, nice build, highly ranked assassin..."

"I just need a minute," Alex whispered. Michael scanned his face.

"If you're trying to psych yourself up to it, don't," he told him carefully, "We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"And if I never want to, you'd be okay with that?" Alex asked. Michael didn't know how to respond to that. "Yeah. Thought so."

"Well, stop, talk to me. Why wouldn't you want to ever? What happened?" Michael asked. He liked to think if Alex was never comfortable with it, he'd make it work, but it felt like a big jump from the Alex who was sexual when they couldn’t risk getting caught to not having any interest at all the minute they didn’t have to worry. "Are you just scared to mess things up?"

"No," Alex said, voice firm, "Can you please give me a minute?"

"Well, yeah, but–"

" _Michael_ ," he said, voice cracking, "Please."

"Okay," Michael agreed softly, slowly backing up. He stood in the hotel room for a few seconds too confused to really process anything. But, once he could, he quickly got dressed again so as not to make it worse.

He waited and watched Alex bow his head and lean against the railing. Panic pulsed through him, but he did his best to keep his cool. He wanted to help, but he had no idea how. He just had to wait.

And that wait stretched on for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, though, Alex came back inside. Michael stood up straight, his head held high and waiting for whatever Alex had to say. Beautiful, beautiful, shirtless Alex.

“There’s something I haven’t told you,” he said. Michael stared at him, waiting for whatever he had to say. It was a little weird that he kept something from him. He and Alex were trained never to keep secrets from each other, that was how you got killed. “When we were 13, my dad put a chip in both of us.”

“I knew that,” Michael said, “It’s a tracking chip.”

“Not exactly,” Alex sighed, looking around the room and avoiding eye contact, “He knew what I was before I did and he didn’t like it. If they connect in a certain way, they activate and it releases a toxin into your bloodstream and you’ll die. I’ve already gone too far by kissing you. I could’ve killed you by doing that. It was selfish.”

Michael stared at him, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process what he was being told. He remembered kissing Alex for the first time and feeling his fear, but it’d gone away once he realized it was okay. But, still, it didn’t make sense. Maybe they’d never touched with complete skin on skin before, but they’d been pressed up together countless times throughout the years for different reasons. If it could be activated through skin, couldn’t it be activated through clothes?

“I think your dad lied to you,” Michael said slowly, “To scare you away from me.”

“No,” Alex said firmly, shaking his head, “He did a lot of things, but he wouldn’t do that.”

“Why not?” Michael wondered, taking a step closer. Alex took a step back. “Alex, your father was a bad man who hated who you were. Why do you think he wouldn’t lie to you?”

“Because if he didn’t want me to be gay, he would’ve told me it would’ve killed any man I ever was with. It... It’s you, though. He knew I loved you,” Alex argued. And it would’ve been very sweet if he didn’t say it like he was all angry.

“Alex,” Michael said slowly, “I’ve had parts of you touch every inch of me. I’m still here. I don’t think it’s real.”

“It’s _real,”_ Alex said, eyes wide and panicked, “Why don’t you believe me?”

Michael held his hands up and shook his heads. He needed a better tactic. 

His eyes scanned over Alex’s body, muscular and scarred. They were both under anesthetics when they had those chips implanted in them over a decade ago and they left no scars. He had no idea where they were.

“I believe you,” Michael said, nodding, “I do. So how do we fix this?”

“There is no fix, Michael! We just can’t do this! This was wrong and I shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place! I’m selfish!” Alex said, tears in his eyes and looking overwhelmed. Michael swallowed harshly.

“So, what, you just want to stop it here and not even try to find a solution?” he asked. It was beginning to sound like he was looking for an excuse to not be with him at all. “What was it all for then? I mean, I _killed_ your fa--”

“Stop,” Alex said, holding out his hand, “You did what you had to do. He was horrible to you.”

“What? Alex, he was horrible to _you._ And we never could’ve been together if he was alive and you know it,” Michael said. Alex’s eyebrows were pulled together in frustration, his lips pursed.

“So, what, it’s my fault you killed someone?” Alex asked. Michael sighed.

“No. I’m saying we did a lot to be together and now you don’t want to because you’re scared.”

“Yes, I am scared! I’m scared I’m going to be the reason you die! It’s not worth it! One night of having you isn’t worth you dying and never seeing you again!” Alex yelled. 

“Then let’s fix it!”

“There _isn’t_ a fix!”

“Why not?! What’s stopping us from cutting it out of me, huh?!” Michael demanded. Alex opened his mouth to argue, but he slowly closed it. Michael watched his Adam’s apple bob as he physically wound himself down from a fight.

“You’d be willing to risk getting in trouble for cutting it out to be with me?” Alex asked. Michael huffed a laugh.

“When are you going to realize I would do anything to be with you, Alex Manes?” Michael asked, shaking his head, “I’ve loved you since before I even knew what the fuck love even was. That’s not stopping because of something your dad did, okay? It’s just not.”

Alex kept breathing heavily, slowly but surely calming himself down. Michael waited for him. He always would.

“But what if you get in trouble?”

“Fuck them. I’m a grown-ass man, I’m tired of being their property anyway.”

Alex licked his lips and nodded. Michael cautiously took a step closer. Alex didn’t move this time, so he moved even closer. Michael put the tips of his fingers beneath Alex’s chin, tilting his head up just a little for a kiss. He kept it short and kept some distance between them to keep Alex calm. He wasn’t convinced the chip actually had anything in it to kill him, but Alex clearly was. He just had to work with that.

“Let’s find it, okay?”

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
